Wait on the Lord

"I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD
In the land of the living.
Wait for the LORD;
Be strong and let your heart take courage;
Yes, wait for the LORD."

Psalm 27:13-14

This is an entry written to myself. It is something I find myself having to constantly remind myself of lately - I also find myself pushing it aside more often than I'd like to admit.

Soul, wait on the Lord. This is what you need right now. Why is it so important to wait on the Lord, and what does it mean? I don't have a full answer, but don't forget the small pieces God is teaching you now.

Waiting on God means you have to stop. Stop being in control. You have to stop trying to wrap your hands around the situation or the problem.
Waiting on God means you have to stop needing a certain outcome. It is this need that pushes you to take control and work things out toward that outcome. You start manipulating, coercing, demanding, pleading, devising, or otherwise doing things to guarantee circumstances go the way you want.
In other words, waiting on God means you have to let go. Not let go in the sense that you do nothing. This is not a lazy letting go. Letting go in the sense that you are willing to trust God with whatever outcome He allows. This trust is based in the confidence that God is good, and is doing good in your life even if the outcome is not what you would have chosen.
Waiting on God is a recognition that you don't have the answer, that you don't know what's best, that you can't do it, that you are incapable, dependent, needy, and weak. It is humbling, especially since you were so caught up in this age, an age that demands instant results, and loathes someone who doesn't have an answer. An age that despises anyone who is dependent and needy. An age that is, in fact, nothing more than a lie. For anyone who would dare think of themselves as not needy and not dependent, or even just feel it, knowing better than to think it, as you did, has deceived themselves. Thus, waiting on the Lord is a recognition of what is already true about my own self: I am weak, needy, dependent, incapable, and so must wait for God to lead me and act on my behalf.
Waiting on God means you stop looking to yourself, and look only to God.
More controversial, I would say that this applies even to your own fight against sin. You are not capable of defeating sin alone. Haven't you proven this to yourself enough already? If you try, you will either fail, or have a failed success. You might stop yourself from some particular sin, but you are unable to change the heart condition from which that sin sprang, and so that sin will be replaced by another sin, and usually, the new sin is self righteousness, or a sense of confidence in your ability. Does that mean you do nothing? No - it means you call out to God and wait for Him to answer. And while you wait, you prepare the way by humbling yourself before Him. Then, in your waiting, He shows up, in His time, and reveals the next step. He may do this by teaching you a new truth from His Word, encouragement from a wise friend, chastisement as a consequence to sin, life circumstances, etc. You know that all things work together for the good of making you more like Christ, if you love God, so you obey, and wait, and He shows another step. You obey, and wait, and He shows another. Over time, He leads you to victory. Don't overwhelm yourself by looking at the whole law, and at all the ways you are failing. Leave all that at the cross and just focus on the next step the Holy Spirit reveals. Each of these steps may involve something very hard, maybe even a real fight against sin - so this is certainly not a lazy waiting - but it is God alone who knows the way, and the way is often different for different people. A unique path custom made for each of us. All of your learning and knowledge of truth is not so that you can know how to achieve victory yourself, but rather it is so that you can know your Father and how to follow Him so that He can lead you. The important thing here is dependence. In fact, you have experienced many times lately where God will reveal the next step and you falter, being unable to actually take it... so you cry out to Him in utter dependence, "Oh God, I do not know how to do this - I don't know how to let go of this... please, help me!" And He has always answered that prayer, eventually.
This is a hand-to-mouth existence. If God gives, you thrive, if He turns away, you die - as the Psalmist says in Psalm 104:27-30 (The Message),

All the creatures look expectantly to you
to give them their meals on time.
You come, and they gather around;
you open your hand and they eat from it.
If you turned your back,
they'd die in a minute—
Take back your Spirit and they die,
revert to original mud;
Send out your Spirit and they spring to life—
the whole countryside in bloom and blossom.

Utter dependence on God, whether you acknowledge it or not. If He were to turn His back on any of us for a moment, we would die. A sobering thought to you, if you forgo waiting on the Lord - turning your back to Him and setting out alone - even if you are setting out on the "good" path of obeying His commands, to set out alone is sin, iniquity. Even in your defiant attempt at independence, it is only God's continued grace toward you that keeps you alive as you attempt to fool yourself into thinking you are in control. God is merciful. He gives you a chance to repent.
Waiting on the Lord means you listen expectantly. You know He will answer and move, since you are asking Him for a good thing, or rather, you are asking Him for the same thing He wants in your life. You actively look for His answer, and desire to yield to whatever it may be. This is important, because very often God answers your prayer and tries to show you the next step, but you turn a blind eye, not wanting to face it, or not wanting to submit. The expectation here is coupled with your admission that you don't know what is best. Oh, your flesh tells you a certain outcome would certainly be best, but you know that God's best always brings a far greater, genuine, permanent joy, and so you can be excited for God's answer, even if it is what you don't want. You are excited, because through His answer comes a joy and glory that cannot even be compared with any momentary sorrow.
Waiting on the Lord means you hunger and thirst, and as a result readily receive whatever mana God gives, with thanksgiving - just as someone dying of thirst in the desert feels the greatest gratitude of their life for nothing more than a sip of water, even if that water be muddy or off taste - a sip taken entirely for granted in other circumstances. You see how poor you truly are now, and every bit of grace is ecstatic to the soul.
If you acknowledge what is already true, that you are weak, and so turn to God rather than yourself, you discover what He is capable of:

Do you not know? Have you not heard?
The Everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth
Does not become weary or tired
His understanding is inscrutable.
He gives strength to the weary,
And to him who lacks might He increases power.
Though youths grow weary and tired,
And vigorous young men stumble badly,
Yet those who wait for the LORD
Will gain new strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary.

Isaiah 40:28-31

Waiting on the Lord requires a basic faith that God is real and will really move if you wait for Him. Maybe not toward the outcome you want, but definitely toward what is best for you.

Stop worrying, stop obsessing, stop manipulating, stop aggrandizing, stop demonstrating, stop parading, stop wearing your masks, stop coercing, just stop. Rest. Quiet down. Pray. Seek God. Wait for Him. Trust Him. And listen. Listen carefully for that still, small voice.